Gareth Teancum was born on the first of January 2009. It was perhaps not the peaceful experiance that I would have wished, but it did teach me something about my own strength.
To start off, Gareth spent most of his time in the womb fully transverse. This was one of my fears in regards to birthing. My mother's seventh child was taken c-section because of being transverse, and I guess I grew up with the knowledge that any transverse baby had to be taken by c-sec. As I feared c-sections, and as the baby was very wiggly, it occurred to me that the baby might be more than one. I even thought I felt three lumps instead of just two at one point in time. I held on to that hope, because it protected my from my fears. I knew logically that it was most likely a transverse baby. Hiding behind the other didn't help at all.
Well, skip forward to the morning of the 31st of December. Around 10 a.m. I realized that I was having contractions even when sitting. I started walking during the contractions, and around 11:30 I started timing things. My contractions were coming in clusters. I would have a contraction, and then another that started maybe half a minute after the first stopped, then a five minute break before another cluster started. By 1 p.m. the clusters were three contractions with only a three minute rest. After my girls finished their naps, my husband brought them to my sister's house.
By 10 p.m. I was wanting some distractions, so I lay down in the Bradley position, and watched a movie, focusing on relaxing through the contractions. They slowed a bit, but continued. I fell asleep in exhaustion waking only for the contractions, and even then not much. By 1 a.m. I had to tell myself to relax through the contractions, so we moved down to the hot tub. Not long after getting in the hot tub, I threw up-- a sure sign of transition.
I waited and waited to feel the urge to push, but nothing. The contractions became ever more intense, and I started to have the feeling that nothing was happening. It was intensely frustrating. At the time I did notice that it was more comfortable to labor lying on my stomach in the water. However I didn't do it much as I was still worried about positioning. I thought I had things in a good position before and I didn't want things to change. (Hmm, not trusting my body much?)
By 4 a.m. I was panicking. Transition was impossible to relax through, and I still wasn't feeling at all pushy. Kevin suggested that I might want to go to the bathroom. (I was still falling asleep between contractions. At this point he had just caught me as I fell asleep and stopped me from falling face first into the water.) I started insisting that something wasn't right. I knew inside that things were not proceeding how they should.
I went up to the bathroom, and noticed that I was starting to bleed. I about lost it. I started screaming for Kevin. He came and put his hand on my belly to feel if the baby's head was engaged. He could tell that it wasn't when he pushed. I think at this time he dislodged the baby's back from my pelvis.
I insisted that when I started bleeding it was time to go to the hospital. He said ok, but I could tell that he was still reluctant. He came back and gave me a blessing. By this time I was screaming through contractions. I lay down on the bed in the Bradley position, and immediately I started to push. Just like my contractions came in clusters, the pushes also came in clusters of three. I screamed for Kevin, saying that I was pushing and I couldn't stop. I think I was in full war with my body. I could feel something moving down the birth canal and I knew it wasn't the head. I was still afraid of a transverse baby. I kept remembering how my sister was supposed to have stuck her hand out.
Kevin came and put panties and a chemise on me, wrestled me into my bathrobe and started helping me towards the car. A few steps out of my bedroom and I hit the floor on my knees as the second cluster of pushes hit. With the first my water broke (hmm, maybe that was what was in the birth canal?!) I said "My water broke," and Kevin turned around just in time to see a head bulging out of my panties. He helped me rip the panties off one leg while I caught my baby's body as it slid smoothly out of mine. We both stared in a kind of shock at the baby still slick with vernix in my hands. Kevin asked with a kind of wonder in his voice, "Is he alive?" I rubbed his back (yes I did check to see if he was a he, though we thought he was) and he gave a kind of choking cough clearing his lungs. I handed him to Kevin while I ripped off my bathrobe and chemise. Then I held my new baby to my breast. Kevin ran and grabbed a receiving blanket and I covered him and climbed into the bathtub.
After sitting a while in the bathtub, I told Kevin that he was Gareth. Kevin agreed. After a bit more I handed the baby to Kevin while I shifted positions to push the placenta out.
It took some time, but I realized in this birth I faced and conquered my worst fear of homebirth. I will still need to process some of the fear, but just knowing that I did it, that I did something that they say is impossible, that my body was capable of turning the baby when I did listen (lying down after Kevin pushed the baby out of its stuck position) and then it moved fast. I did tear badly. There was no time spent in the birth canal, no gentle stretching, but better that than a c-sec.
Next time I will pay more attention to the baby's position before transition hits. Next time I will work through a few more fears before labor starts. I did learn that. Next time will also be at home.
A few things that I noticed were very different from last time at the hospital. Gareth is a much better sleeper. I do not believe we do our babies a service putting them in a strange place for their first experiance with life. Nor do we do them a service to keep them in the hands of people they will never see again for their first bonding. Gareth is very alert, very attentive. I can see him learn and watch his world. They say baby's don't notice or see. He does. He is very aware.
He is not jaundiced. We did a lotus birth. The cord severed itself three and a half days after birth. He is a beautiful ruddy color. Tatiana was very jaundiced for days. Gareth has all his blood.
Though he did not eat immediately, he is a very good eater. In addition, the birth without all the garbage they pump into you at the hospital, my milk came in three days sooner. THREE DAYS.
Gareth is a beautiful baby. Even those who have had their own babies admit that he is abnormally beautiful. I think it is because he doesn't have the grumpy old man expression on his face that most newborns have. He is serene and happy. Yes, lotus born babies can cry, if they are provoked by extreme cruelty like diaper changes. However he is very confident even with strangers holding him. He has never been forced from me. I think that makes a difference.
To start off, Gareth spent most of his time in the womb fully transverse. This was one of my fears in regards to birthing. My mother's seventh child was taken c-section because of being transverse, and I guess I grew up with the knowledge that any transverse baby had to be taken by c-sec. As I feared c-sections, and as the baby was very wiggly, it occurred to me that the baby might be more than one. I even thought I felt three lumps instead of just two at one point in time. I held on to that hope, because it protected my from my fears. I knew logically that it was most likely a transverse baby. Hiding behind the other didn't help at all.
Well, skip forward to the morning of the 31st of December. Around 10 a.m. I realized that I was having contractions even when sitting. I started walking during the contractions, and around 11:30 I started timing things. My contractions were coming in clusters. I would have a contraction, and then another that started maybe half a minute after the first stopped, then a five minute break before another cluster started. By 1 p.m. the clusters were three contractions with only a three minute rest. After my girls finished their naps, my husband brought them to my sister's house.
By 10 p.m. I was wanting some distractions, so I lay down in the Bradley position, and watched a movie, focusing on relaxing through the contractions. They slowed a bit, but continued. I fell asleep in exhaustion waking only for the contractions, and even then not much. By 1 a.m. I had to tell myself to relax through the contractions, so we moved down to the hot tub. Not long after getting in the hot tub, I threw up-- a sure sign of transition.
I waited and waited to feel the urge to push, but nothing. The contractions became ever more intense, and I started to have the feeling that nothing was happening. It was intensely frustrating. At the time I did notice that it was more comfortable to labor lying on my stomach in the water. However I didn't do it much as I was still worried about positioning. I thought I had things in a good position before and I didn't want things to change. (Hmm, not trusting my body much?)
By 4 a.m. I was panicking. Transition was impossible to relax through, and I still wasn't feeling at all pushy. Kevin suggested that I might want to go to the bathroom. (I was still falling asleep between contractions. At this point he had just caught me as I fell asleep and stopped me from falling face first into the water.) I started insisting that something wasn't right. I knew inside that things were not proceeding how they should.
I went up to the bathroom, and noticed that I was starting to bleed. I about lost it. I started screaming for Kevin. He came and put his hand on my belly to feel if the baby's head was engaged. He could tell that it wasn't when he pushed. I think at this time he dislodged the baby's back from my pelvis.
I insisted that when I started bleeding it was time to go to the hospital. He said ok, but I could tell that he was still reluctant. He came back and gave me a blessing. By this time I was screaming through contractions. I lay down on the bed in the Bradley position, and immediately I started to push. Just like my contractions came in clusters, the pushes also came in clusters of three. I screamed for Kevin, saying that I was pushing and I couldn't stop. I think I was in full war with my body. I could feel something moving down the birth canal and I knew it wasn't the head. I was still afraid of a transverse baby. I kept remembering how my sister was supposed to have stuck her hand out.
Kevin came and put panties and a chemise on me, wrestled me into my bathrobe and started helping me towards the car. A few steps out of my bedroom and I hit the floor on my knees as the second cluster of pushes hit. With the first my water broke (hmm, maybe that was what was in the birth canal?!) I said "My water broke," and Kevin turned around just in time to see a head bulging out of my panties. He helped me rip the panties off one leg while I caught my baby's body as it slid smoothly out of mine. We both stared in a kind of shock at the baby still slick with vernix in my hands. Kevin asked with a kind of wonder in his voice, "Is he alive?" I rubbed his back (yes I did check to see if he was a he, though we thought he was) and he gave a kind of choking cough clearing his lungs. I handed him to Kevin while I ripped off my bathrobe and chemise. Then I held my new baby to my breast. Kevin ran and grabbed a receiving blanket and I covered him and climbed into the bathtub.
After sitting a while in the bathtub, I told Kevin that he was Gareth. Kevin agreed. After a bit more I handed the baby to Kevin while I shifted positions to push the placenta out.
It took some time, but I realized in this birth I faced and conquered my worst fear of homebirth. I will still need to process some of the fear, but just knowing that I did it, that I did something that they say is impossible, that my body was capable of turning the baby when I did listen (lying down after Kevin pushed the baby out of its stuck position) and then it moved fast. I did tear badly. There was no time spent in the birth canal, no gentle stretching, but better that than a c-sec.
Next time I will pay more attention to the baby's position before transition hits. Next time I will work through a few more fears before labor starts. I did learn that. Next time will also be at home.
A few things that I noticed were very different from last time at the hospital. Gareth is a much better sleeper. I do not believe we do our babies a service putting them in a strange place for their first experiance with life. Nor do we do them a service to keep them in the hands of people they will never see again for their first bonding. Gareth is very alert, very attentive. I can see him learn and watch his world. They say baby's don't notice or see. He does. He is very aware.
He is not jaundiced. We did a lotus birth. The cord severed itself three and a half days after birth. He is a beautiful ruddy color. Tatiana was very jaundiced for days. Gareth has all his blood.
Though he did not eat immediately, he is a very good eater. In addition, the birth without all the garbage they pump into you at the hospital, my milk came in three days sooner. THREE DAYS.
Gareth is a beautiful baby. Even those who have had their own babies admit that he is abnormally beautiful. I think it is because he doesn't have the grumpy old man expression on his face that most newborns have. He is serene and happy. Yes, lotus born babies can cry, if they are provoked by extreme cruelty like diaper changes. However he is very confident even with strangers holding him. He has never been forced from me. I think that makes a difference.
posted by Ramona | 12:34 PM
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