Last night I spent walking through my house laboring. Twice transition seemed on the verge of arriving. I could feel myself turning into my self, and pushing seemed around the corner. Each time this happened, the contractions would suddenly stop. I felt myself dialate (ring of fire). I knew things were progressing, but they would stop to my extreme frustration. I finally went to sleep exhausted, to be woken up by small contractions through the night.

Today I have been thinking about it, and I realized that I am afraid to let go and let my body take over. I am afraid for my younger children when the elder are born. The thing is, logically I know I don't need to be afraid, but still I worry about them. I am a mother. I love them, each one of them, and I want them. I guess I need to work on fear release. I still hope for my babies to come soon.